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November 09, 2007

Comments

Sarah

Sandie,

It has been a long time since WC and I was delighted you started blogging again as I love your writing. I wanted to comment as I was the one to have my second miscarriage in a row and was due within weeks of my sister-in-law and best friend. It was very hard to be happy and excited for them but they each tool different approaches. One included me in belly emails, conversation about registries etc with the caveat if I need space let her know - the other one left me out, I knoe it came from a carrying place but I felt isolated enough and this made me feel excluded.

That being said - do not be insulted if they do not buy you a gift and have a hard time talking about milestones.

For me I was pregnant, newly but with a viable pregnancy after 3 losses with another by the time the babies were born (on the same day no less).

I still think about it but the pain has eased enough that I can enjoy these two very special babies.

RuthieC

Sandie,

Thanks for bringing this topic up and for caring enough about your friend to want to be sensitive to her situation. A miscarriage is a VERY difficult thing to go through. It is truly a loss, and some people just don't understand that. When I had my miscarriage, I got a wide range of reactions from others. One of the worst things someone said to me was, "Oh wow, you must be so bummed out." "Bummed out?", I thought. "BUMMED OUT?" Are you kidding me? I'm bummed out when I break one of my acrylic nails. It's hardly how I would describe losing a child. On the other hand, many friends were very caring and supportive. They sent me cards, brought food over, and prayed for me. It was hard to be around my pregnant friends for a while. It wasn't that I wasn't happy for them. I was just sad for me and didn't like being reminded that they were getting to carry out my dream. If your friend seems to keep her distance for a while, don't take it personally. Just give her some space if that's what she needs, but also let her know that you're thinking about her, hurting for her, and are there to support her through this difficult time.

Sandie

Sarah and Ruthie, thanks to both of you for your comments. I truly appreciate you taking the time to share your perspective of dealing with friends after a miscarriage.

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