Urban Mama

Stand Up to Cancer

I haven't posted in a while, but next week, since it's my birthday, I'm hosting a giveaway a day, so if you stay tuned you'll have a really good chance of winning some of my favorite things (book, movie, apps, video games) as well as some cool swag and household products.

BUT, that's not why I'm writing today. I'm writing because tonight all of the major networks are broadcasting Stand Up to Cancer starting at 8PM ET, and I hope you will watch.

Chances are that like me, you've probably known someone who is or has battled cancer. Maybe your mother didn't die from it, but you know someone, don't you? A sibling, a cousin, an aunt or close friend. I have so many reasons to watch, so many reasons to *give,* so I'll name just a few of them:

1. Mami, who died at age 67 after an 8-year battle with colon and cervical cancer. I miss her every single day.

2. Ele (my beloved aunt), who died at age 74 after suffering from multiple myeloma for two years

3. Mama (my grandmother), who died at 79 just six months after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

4. Tia (my great-aunt who shared my birthday) lived until the ripe age of 92, but she would have lived longer had stomach and colon cancer not metastasized

5. Susan, a breast cancer survivor and an amazing friend who has taught me about IBC, about never giving up, about delighting in the blessings we've been bestowed

6. Sarah, a breast cancer survivor who was my first friend to have -- and beat -- cancer. She is in remission and nearing a 30-something birthday on the same day as mine.

And that is just a tiny half-dozen names that remind me how much we need to do to find ways to fight cancer. I know there are hundreds of organizations you can donate to, but please at least watch, find out how you can help, if not financially than with your time. Watch for the names on tour list.

Crying Through Frontline's Assisted Suicide Special

Tonight I watched PBS' Frontline special "The Suicide Tourist," which detailed the final days of a 59-year-old American man named Craig Ewert, who chose to die with the help of the controversial Swiss death-with-dignity organization Dignitas. By Craig's side throughout his six-month struggle with ALS and on the final day of his life was his beloved wife of nearly 40 years, Mary.

At first it seemed as though Mary was almost eerily zen about her husband drinking a barbiturate cocktail that would kill him. She hugs him, kisses him on the cheek and wishes him a "Safe Journey" moments before he drinks the lethal dose of medicine. Mary then massages Craig's feet and moves on the bed to stroke his hand and chest as he closes his eyes one final time. It was incredibly moving, and I was in awe of her courage to stay so at peace while her partner in life died.

When they interviewed Mary after her husband's death, she explained through teary eyes that in some ways she had lost her husband -- the healthy, vibrant man she married -- six months earlier, when he was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease. She added that although she had spent a great deal of time with her husband as his daily caregiver in the months preceding his death, that was not the way she would remember him. She would remember the amazing 37 years they shared before he was too sick to walk or breathe without aid or shave himself or hold a phone or wave goodbye. She was supportive of his ultimate decision to die before he was completely paralyzed and lost the ability to swallow, and my heart ached for Mary as she got in the Swiss taxi back to the airport... alone and widowed and probably relieved that Craig was no longer suffering.

I don't mean to write about Craig's death to open the door for a debate about assisted suicide, but only to share my awe at how a loving wife could come to accept her husband's decision to die on his own terms. There were no hysterics from Mary -- just a tender embrace, a short goodbye, and the promise to join Craig wherever he was (they were both agnostics) some day in the future.

I've been with my husband 14 years and married for nearly nine. I can't fathom how difficult it would be to live without him. I think about my mother, who was widowed at 37 after my father's asthma attack too an unexpectedly ugly turn into cardiac arrest. Poof. One moment she thought she had another three decades with my father and the next he was gone. It might as well have been an accident that took my father's life, because it was just as sudden. And my mother was numb and aloof and shattered.

If I had to choose between my mother's widowhood and Mary's, I'd choose Mary's -- and by that, I certainly don't mean to imply that I hope my husband contracts a terminal disease and then commits physician-assisted suicide. I mean I admire the way Mary was able to come to terms with and accept her husband's death in a way I know my mother wasn't fully able to after my father died. I want those Final Gifts, that last goodbye, that moment of knowing this is the end of your body but not the end of our love.

Olympic Highs, a Few Days Late

I know the Olympics are way over and everyone's talking about the DNC, but our family is just now coming off of an Olympics high. For the first time since the '88 Olympics, I got to see the first week of the Games with my siblings, and occasionally Mami, when she was up for it. Taking into consideration how depressing this blog has been lately, I decided to share some of my favorite moments from the Beijing Olympics, in no particular order. Yes, this a completely Michael Phelps-free list, because although I'm definitely in awe of swimming's G.O.A.T., me thinks I've heard more than enough about the Boy Wonder from North Baltimore these past month.

Usain Bolt "jogging" in the 100-meter: Bolt's (what an awesome name for a sprinter) ability to beat everyone so quickly and showboat at the same time cracked us up from his opening heat. In what became a running joke in my family, my brother Jorge would re-enact Bolt's run, stopping to say hello to the crowd, take a phone call, write a letter to his Mama, have afternoon tea, etc. before crossing the finish line first. After all the swimming and gymnastics, Bolt was just what we needed to make the second half of the Games exciting.

Shawn and Nastia: It was sweet to watch the underdog American men get a bronze in the men's competition, but Shawn and Nastia were amazing. It's just too bad the scoring system isn't out of the proverbial 10 anymore. Like Al, Elfi and Tim all said, getting a 15 on one apparatus and more than 16 on another was just plain confusing, as was the odd tie-breaker on the uneven bars. Overall, Shawn and Nastia really saved the gymnastics competition from being completely dominated by the Chinese girls. Another reason we loved women's gymnastics is the heart-melting story of Germany's 33-year-old Soviet-born gymnast Oksana Chusovitina.

Dara Torres: We've long heard 40 is the new 30, but Dara takes it to a new level. Her amazing body has been on full display in the New York Times, Sports Illustrated and NBC, but seeing the body in action, even for just a half-minute at at time, was breathtaking. She's an inspiration for all women, young, old and everything in between.

Surprise winners: Whether it was swimmerJason Lezak's bringing home the gold in the fastest split of his career or runner Sanya Richards out-kicking a front-running Russian, or Aussie Matt Michum winning the 10m-platform gold on his very last dive, there was no drought of thrilling medal wins.

Commercials like the Nike one featuring Marvin Gaye's National Anthem

I had recently seen PBS' American Masters documentary about the Motown legend, so I was blown away when my brother mentioned the commercial, which I must've been fast-forwarding through until he brought it up. After that we watched it, along with our favorite other commercials, like the Morgan Freeman-narrated Visa commercials. Gotta love Marvin Gaye's rendition of "The Star-Spangled Banner," which he sang at the 1983 All-Star NBA Game.

Five TV Shows I Still Miss

I've been missing writing about entertainment, so I found this unpublished post and thought I would share it with you. Here are five television series I wish had gone on a little -- ok, a lot -- longer:

5. Homefront (ABC, 1991-993) Long before he was the earnest football coach on NBC's Friday Night Lights, Kyle Chandler spent two seasons playing aspiring ball player Jeff Metcalf on this touching –- but never trite -– post-WW II drama. Set in a small Ohio town, this period show’s look at 1940s America won critical success but never scored more than a limited, albeit loyal, following. I couldn’t wait to hear the opening song, ‘40s chart-topper “Accentuate the Positive,” every week. Of the talented young cast, only Chandler and Kelly Rutherford (Gossip Girl) continued with regular TV gigs. It’s still a shame ABC pulled the series.

4. Arrested Development (Fox, 2003-2006): With all the schlock Fox has aired over the years, you’d think having a critically praised, Emmy-winning ensemble comedy –- one narrated by Opie Taylor/Richie Cunningham himself -– would inspire some extra consideration. But in its third season, Arrested Development still couldn’t pull in strong > enough numbers to convince Fox to pony up for another season. No other family will make me laugh as hard as those kooky Bluths, cackling like demented chickens, getting dolled up for Motherboy XXX, or clumsily hitting on their cousins. 

3. Everwood (The WB, 2002-2006): Every time I think about the fact that the CW cancelled Everwood when the WB and UPN merged but renewed 7th Heaven for one more season, I have to keep from spontaneously vomiting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was the WB’s highest-rated series, but Everwood was so much better. Critics constantly hailed the Colorado-set Everwood as one of the best family dramas on television, and with good reason. My childhood crush on Treat Williams aside (I know he’s 56, but he was smokin’ hot in Hair -- "flow it', show it, long as God can grow it, my Hairrrrrrrr!" ), he and Gregory Smith rocked the complicated father-son dynamics, and the show tackled sensitive issues (sex, cancer, AIDS, abortion, sexual harassment) without being overly preachy. My TV week is just not the same without it.

2. My So-Called Life (ABC, 1994-1995): A small riot broke out in my college-freshman dorm when we found out ABC was canceling this adolescent drama after only one season. But more than a decade later, The N made my dreams come true by re-broadcasting the whole series (only 19 episodes!), allowing me not only to TiVo each episode, but to watch one I had originally missed. Even though Claire Danes might like to think she’s outgrown her performance as the ultimate angst-ridden teen, she’ll always be Angela Chase to die-hard MSCL fans.

1. Freaks and Geeks (NBC 1999-2000): Before he went on to become the Don of the Comedy Mafia, writer-director-producer Judd Apatow created a brilliant comedy centered on Lindsay Weir, a high-schooler in the early ‘80s who decides to shed her brainy mathlete reputation and join the ranks of the pot-smoking, class-ditching “freaks.” It still boggles my mind that viewers flocked to the predictable jokes and heavy-handed laughtrack of That ‘70s Show over this expertly written, often hilarious, and frequently touching treatment of high school life. I take comfort in the fact that Apatow and nearly every teen cast member (Linda Cardellini, James Franco, Busy Philipps, Seth Rogen, Jason Segel, John Francis Daly and Martin Starr) have gone on to bigger things.

So, what TV shows make your list of dearly missed?

So Frakkin' Excited

This post is dedicated to my dear friends Kelly and Sandy, content editors extraordinaire at AOL Television. Without their insistence (and gentle threats of ending their friendships with me if I didn't give the show a chance), I might have missed out on one of the few TV shows my husband and I enjoy together.

Why Battlestar Galactica (which starts up again tonight on the Sci Fi Channel) Helps Marriages (and no, not necessarily in that way, gutter minds!)

• It's not just a sci-fi series. It's a futuristic, political, action-adventure, relationship drama (basically something for everyone) all rolled into one.
• Possibly the best female character ever to appear on primetime is on the series: Kara "Starbuck" Thrace (played by the awesome Katee Sackhoff, right). She's badass, kickass, and smartass -- the kind of woman who can out-do any fellow soldier on the Galactica at just about anything.
• Not that we're shallow, but the series provides plenty of eyecandy for both men and women. The husband predictably likes the leggy Cylon Number Six (Tricia Helfer), while I find Helo (Tahmoh Penikett) most attractive.
• The writing is impressive -- think "Lost" in space. But, thank the gods, there aren't as many nagging mysteries in BSG as there are on our favorite island.
• The ensemble cast is one of the most diverse on television, even if ethnicity on the series itself isn't really an issue. Edward James Olmos has called it the best role of his career.
• It's impossible to be "kind of" into the show. Either you love it or you don't. We're happy we love it.

10 Things I've Learned From Abigail Adams

OK, so not Abigail Adams so much as Laura Linney's portrayal of the second First Lady on HBO's entertaining AND educational mini-series "John Adams"... I encourage all of you to watch it

1. A good wife knows how to be critical without being condescending or hurtful:"You do not need to  quote great men to show you are one."
2. A good mother knows that sometimes you have to let a child have life-changing experiences, even when those experiences are far away from you. (She makes John take John Quincy to Europe with him, so he won't grow up a "narrow-minded New England man.")
3. Women have dealt with workaholic husbands for centuries. It's not a "modern" situation for a woman to feel like a single mother while her husband is off at work -- in John's case helping to create the foundation of an independent nation.
4. Mothers must never shy away from making difficult decisions when it comes to their children's health and safety. (She requests the live smallpox vaccine even though there is a risk she or her four children may contract the disease from the vaccine.).
5. It's OK to cry when you miss your traveling husband, but there's no need to whine about it.
6. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Eleanor Roosevelt are not the only First Ladies to be considered their husbands' "closest adviser"
7. Just because you choose to dress-down for the daily practicalities of domestic life doesn't mean you can't clean-up and dress-up under the right circumstances.
8. Sometimes it's OK for your children to see you upset (like when Nabby sees Abigail furiously scrubbing the windows, because she hasn't heard from John).
9. When you have multiple children, it's important to encourage them to take care of each other (like when Nabby temporarily contracts smallpox or how Charles watches over the baby).
10. A good marriage requires meaningful communication (Abigail and John's letters to each other are long and detailed), patience, humor and passion.

Saucy Latina Stereotypes

Last night I started thinking about the portrayals of Latinas on TV. Mostly, this line of thought was motivated by my wondering how Delia would see herself (I'm guessing as both Latina and Asian) in the future. Selfishly, I considered only the Latina roles. While this is no scientific study (yes, I skipped statistics in college), it seemed to me that all of the Latinas I saw on sitcoms and dramas were in fact "sexy or saucy" types. Here's a brief overview (I know there are more, but I don't watch "Freddie" or "The George Lopez Show.")

• Carla on "Scrubs": Pros -- She's a great nurse; She's married to a surgeon; She's close to her family; She has the respect of her fellow nurses and is best friends with Elliot. Cons --  She is a horrible gossip; She is super bossy; She definitely fits into the "saucy Latina" stereotype, but at least shes likable and one half of the cutest married couple on TV. Let's not forget this week's introduction to Nurse Martinez, who is such a stereotype the male nurses followed her around making Latin dance shoulder-shakes right out of "West Side Story"
• Ana Lucia on "Lost": Pros -- Um, let's see. Well, she's a police officer and the daughter of a female police captain); she seems genuinely upset that she killed Shannon. Cons -- She mistakenly killed Shannon; She hurt and imprisoned and trapped Jin, Michael and Sawyer; She is super bossy; She referred to sex as "hitting that" and she's just a general uber-bitch. Not only is she a "saucy Latina," but she's almost completely unlikable, even if you take into consideration that she lost her baby at the hands of an armed robber (whom she later kills in cold blood, by the way).
• Catalina on "My Name is Earl": Pros -- She is sweet to Earl and his dimwitted brother Randy. She occasionally helps them as they try to cross bad deeds off of Earl's list. Cons -- She's a motel maid; She was a stripper before that; She apparently doesn't have her immigration status in order; She is the embodiment of the sexy Latina maid/nanny/service-worker.
• Gabby on "Desperate Housewives":  Pros -- She's a loyal and generous friend to the other Wisteria Lane gals; She loves her husband, even though he's a white-collar criminal and was in prison; She remained faithful to him after disclosing her infidelity. Cons -- She's incredibly shallow and materialistic; She cheated on her husband; She's always in skin-tight, barely there clothes; She's extremely jealous
• Chuni on "E.R.": Pros -- She's a(nother) nurse; She's always quick to help the docs; She's liked by her coworkers. Cons -- She's a horrible gossip and a bit player on the show.
  

Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against these characters. As a TV junkie I love the shows they appear on each week, and God knows I'm thrilled that at least a half-dozen Latinas are on primetime television at all. I'm just worried that my daughter will grow up seeing nothing but sexy, saucy, gossipy, bitchy, big-butted and finger-snapping Latinas (even if they are on good shows).

Why Do I Still Watch "E.R."?

I have been watching "E.R." since the very first season, when Noah Wyle was but a mere med student and Julianna Margulies was a suicide-attempt survivor. Every Thursday I've tuned in, despite revolving casts and seemingly ludicrous plot developments. My husband can no longer stand the show. He doesn't think it just "jumped the shark," he says it "ran over the shark with a tank," in reference to the recent episode when an unstable man steals a tank and drives it toward the hospital. Still, I largely ignored the husband's protestations and remained a true believer; after all, it's hard to change a 10-year-old habit.

Last night, however, the show drove me over the edge. In case you missed it, Dr. Weaver's life-partner Sandy (the fire Lt.) is brought in with a few other badly injured officers. Dr. Weaver isn't around when the E.R. docs determine Sandy needs to be intubated, so Sandy asks to see Kerry before they put the tube in her throat. The first thing Sandy tells Kerry is: "It's a good thing I pumped, huh?" That was the first time I reached for the tissue. Little did I know that the writers were actually going to kill Sandy off, then do the most unthinkable thing: make Sandy's family refuse to let Kerry see the baby she and Sandy were raising together because "they're the blood relatives." Before the moment actually happened, I told the husband: "I hope her family doesn't turn out to be homophobic and try to keep the baby." Moments later, that's exactly what happened. Poor Kerry is left at Sandy's brother's home, screaming for her baby, while the boy is kept inside by Sandy's brother and sister-in-law. "We're the blood relatives" he says to Kerry. "This was Sandy's baby."

Now, maybe it's because here in Brooklyn we know several lesbian couples raising children together, but that statement made me soooooo angry. Why would the show put Kerry through this? Isn't it enough that nearly everyone else has endured a death, now Kerry has to be stripped of her entire life, in some Jobean way? It's infuriating the way the show is manipulating the audience. I know it's believable that this sort of thing would and could happen, but did they need to go there? It's just like the horrific Africa episode with all the assassinations. If I want to see that, I'll watch "The Deer Hunter."

Thanks for enduring my rant about "E.R." Chances are I won't stop watching it, but man is the tragedy getting a bit over-the-top at this point!

Going for Gold

Oscar update: So, I won the family Oscar pool this year, missing only the adapted screenplay category, which no entertainment pundit thought was going to go to "The Return of the King" writers. The "LOTR" sweep was amazing, but I'm sad that Clint Eastwood didn't make "Mystic River" last year, so he could've won a best director award for it. Last year's movies seem so lightweight compared to this year's. The show itself was so much longer and boring than it has been in years. The first part of the opening was funny, but Billy Crystal disappointed and lost his edge... The funniest part was Jack Black and Will Ferrell's song. That and Adrien Brody's breath-spray gag. With no big surprises, the ceremony dragged on... If I hadn't had to work during the show, I might not have even watched the entire thing.

The Schmoop was a trooper throughout the entire event, playing with Abuela (my mother) the whole time. At one point, he sat in his special club chair and said: "My movie!" but Abuela was able to distract him with one of the many aforementioned trucks. Since we co-sleep, he resisted bedtime until very late and was tired much of the next day at nursery school. Last night, though, he conked out at 8PM. Woo hoo!

With my family pool earnings, I plan to purchase one of my favorite films: "Schindler's List," which comes out on DVD next Tuesday.

Fear Factor

I already admitted that I'm a TV-holic, so you won't mind the fact that an episode of "Fear Factor" made me think about the selflessness of motherhood. But first a disclaimer: I am not a "fan" of "Fear Factor." I never watched it before the new "Couples" gimmick sucked me in, and I hereby profess that at the end of said gimmicky contest, I shall stop watching it altogether. OK, so on the show, 9 married, engaged and dating couples compete for cash and prizes every week. To win something, they have to clock the best time at an "extreme" stunt OR a vomit-inducing "gross" stunt. I'd get into details, but some of you would gag at just reading what these people have to do to win, say, a three-week safari to Africa or a $25,000 gift certificate. All of this is background to one particular stunt, where the couples were both immersed in water with their feet chained and pad-locked to a platform. Each person had to release their feet and swim to a little buoy several feet across the pool. Anyhow, most of the couples were able to reach the buoy, but one woman panicked (while her husband was already at the buoy) and were disqualified from the stunt. During her post-stunt interview, the contestant told the camera: "The only way I would've been able to continue is if my children were chained down there."

Now, before you ask that I seek psychiatric treatment for thinking this a touching response, I have to step in and say that I have not one ounce of athletic ability. Sure, I could make it through an aerobics or Pilates class (if I had to), but don't count on me to help your team at any sport or obstacle course. Seriously. I won't even play beach volleyball with friends. It's too depressing. Anyhow, I internalized the contestant's comment and realized that I too would've held my breath and fumbled with the keys and basically died trying (and hopefully succeeding) to pluck my son from death's grip. Before I became a mother, I sorta cringed whenever I heard ferocious "mama bear" statements. I would think: "Alright, already, I get it. You love your kid. You would've stepped in front of the car/wrestled the lion/killed the assailant. OK." Now that I am a mother, I truly believe all of those cheese-ball declarations of flight-or-fight. So, see, even the dregs of reality programming can provoke a thoughts about motherhood.